Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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