I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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