I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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