Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
pop tarts are not kleenex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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