Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize