What a fucking waste of an outfit
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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