It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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