Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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