I heard we made out
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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