Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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