you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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