this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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