If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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