she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize