I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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