peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
where am i from again
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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