I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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