She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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