Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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