he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize