Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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