Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize