i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize