..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think my moral compass just broke
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