Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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