It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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