and you said cock pushups were impossible
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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