There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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