my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize