One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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