I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
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We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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