This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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