I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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