My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want to have your abortion
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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