What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize