wanna go halves on a baby?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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