God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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