The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize