I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize