I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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