K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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