She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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