Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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