we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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