dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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