Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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