just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize