By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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