the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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