I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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